


nobody told me that you'd be here

by aqakita



Category: RuPaul's Drag Race RPF
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-26
Updated: 2018-07-26
Packaged: 2019-06-16 09:05:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,973
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15433641
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aqakita/pseuds/aqakita
Summary: Kameron apologizes to her ex, Brianna, at their school’s reunion.





	nobody told me that you'd be here

Kameron had never been one for formal gatherings, let alone reunions. Most of the people here she could barely recognise, grown so much since they were all just kids. But if she didn’t show, she felt it would be rude, and so she dragged herself into the hell that was her school’s sports hall. There were almost no good memories in here, as someone who, in spite of what her current physique would suggest, actually didn’t like anything sporty as a kid. She spied (or rather, heard) Eureka by the drinks at the buffet table, laughing loudly with a now flinching Blair. She couldn’t help but chuckle.

Maybe she would go and talk to her. They got along well enough in school, and they had, on occasion, seen each other while shopping or out and about and stopped for a coffee and a catch up. Plus, she seemed to be the only person here that Kameron really knew from back then. Sure, when she squinted, she could recognise all the faces, but she’d never mixed much with the others. She was hardly a social butterfly. And so, it seemed Eureka was her only real option here.

Or so she thought. As she moved to pace forward, she heard a distinctive laugh, followed by a clap. Brianna was here. Turning toward the sound, she saw her wrapped around Monet’s arm, leaning into the fur of her jacket. She knew they’d stayed close, having seen it on social media quite often, so this was hardly a surprise. However, she didn’t know that she would be here, because as far as she could remember, Brianna had moved to France. That was more than ten years ago now, so the idea that she could have moved back wasn’t that questionable. Besides, they hadn’t really kept in touch.

When the blonde met her gaze, she looked away almost instantly, and Kameron wasn’t all that surprised. They hadn’t left things that great. She took the blame for that. When Brianna told her that she was leaving, something in her seemed to snap. In the haze of anger and fear, she’d really laid into her, tearing her apart for being a bad girlfriend, and a coward. She was moving away for a new start, free from any past associations, with a scholarship for a fashion course. Kameron called her a mouse for it. Kameron near enough shouted in her face that running away wouldn’t solve anything. Kameron broke up with her because she was moving away to chase her dreams.

She still felt guilty about it. Never in her life had she acted that badly towards someone else, but she felt frantic at the time. Brianna told her about it a week before she had to leave, and on reflection, she realised that she’d kept quiet about it was because she was scared. No doubt the excessive, unpleasant reaction to it made things a lot worse. They’d not spoken since then, but Kameron frequently found herself caught up in memories and remorse. Maybe she  _would_  go over to the drinks table; not to talk to Eureka, but to start forgetting the night.

If she was sensible, she’d go and speak to Brianna. Sort it out for once and for all, or at least apologize for how she’d acted. Brianna clearly wasn’t over it, because her frequent glances were somewhat frightful, and she consciously moved to stand on the other side of Monet at one point. Heaving a sigh, she fought back the instinct to grab a drink, and instead wandered a little closer. If she was too frightened, she wouldn’t do it. She didn’t want to ruin this night for her; she didn’t want to cause any more damage. The blonde, though she moved a little closer to the woman she came with, didn’t seem like she would flee.

When she’d left, Kameron was a lot lankier, and somewhat lithe, but she still carried a cool, unapproachable air. She was regarded somewhat as a force to be reckoned with, and was terrifying in the rare instances that she raised her voice. Now, she was burly, and despite her approach for a friendlier reason, she still retained a rather steely expression. When she was close, Monet stood to be a little in the way, as if to defend her meager framed friend. Kameron’s heart near enough broke; she wasn’t a savage. She let one instance of anger get the better of her, and it had done so much damage.

It didn’t help that the reaction was a scowl, because that just lead to the woman stepping up to her, and they locked eyes in a glare. After a moment, Kameron looked towards Brianna, who’d paced back a little bit and was watching her warily.  
“I just…” If she asked to take Brianna aside, she’d be reasonably denied, and besides, she didn’t really have anything to hide from Monet, “I know it’s been a long time since, but, I’m sorry. I’m sorry about what happened when you told me you were going to Paris. I’m sorry I snapped, no, I’m sorry I screamed at you. It was a selfish, unnecessary, over the top reaction. I’ll go now, But I… I just wanted to tell you, incase I didn’t have another chance. I’m sorry.”

When the redhead took a few steps away, Monet subsided, moving to be by the now teary eyed girl’s side. She leaned up to whisper something in the woman’s ear, before moving toward Kameron, ushering for her to follow. Reluctantly, she went with her, out into the courtyard where they were alone. Brianna was shaking a little, and she was blinking back tears, but she clearly wanted to deal with this herself. She was never a weak girl, but her vision of Kameron was so skewed now that she was somewhat afraid of her.

“Thank you for your apology.” Her voice wavered, and she swallowed hard, “It’s nice to um… have some closure?”   
She nodded, “I should have apologized sooner. Like, immediately after. I was just upset that you were leaving.”  
“I know.” Pushing herself up onto one of the tables, she rested her feet on the seating bench below, a little calmer when she could hear the hesitation in the redhead’s voice.  
“So, did you come back for just this, or…?”  
“I was only in Paris for four years. I got my qualification, I came back home. I’ve been here a while. Did you stay here?”  
“In this town? Yeah. Not had as much fun as you have.”  
“What do you do?”  
“At the minute, unload lorries for a local supermarket. But I’ve been between jobs.”

A silence fell on them, and Kameron wondered if she could join her up on the table. When she moved nearer, Brianna pet a space a little distance from her, and she sat just a little further away than that. There wouldn’t be any point in encroaching on her.   
“Were people excited to see you here?”  
“Yeah, kinda. It got a little much for me though, so Monet herded them off.”  
“You two close?”   
“She’s like a sister, or… A crazy auntie.” She laughed a little.  
“She’s always been a character.”

Kameron moved to lie back on the table, staring up at the star speckled blanket of the night sky. It was a cold night for the summer, and she was regretting the short sleeves of her shirt. She’d dressed semi-formal, which seemed to be the general mood, but she’d certainly underdressed for the weather. Her companion was in what looked like a fur lined jacket, and she was definitely warm enough, despite her maintained shakiness. This all felt weirdly familiar, and eventually, Brianna lay back against the wood of the table, and glanced nervously towards her, warmed by the smile offered her way.

“When you turned on me like that, it terrified me,” Brianna stated as she tipped her head back, staring up at the sky. It was easier than eye contact. “It was like it wasn’t you. I’d seen you get angry before, but I’d never even heard you shout. We’d argued, but you’d never yelled at me. I didn’t know what to do. And I know it’s stupid, but since then, I’d built you up to be a monster in my head, you know? But you’re not. You’re still silly old Kameron, who can never stay sat up unless there’s something to lean on, who never brings a coat because she thinks she’ll be warm enough, and who’s so determined to put things right that she doesn’t hide what she has to say.”

Kameron chucked a little, turning her head to the side and smiling warmly. Her cheeks were slightly flushed, and she bit down on her lip. Brianna’s tone had changed completely in that she’d gone from cautious and wary, to calm and warm.   
“I’m sorry that I ruined things. I should’ve been a better girlfriend when I had you. Or at least, not split up with you because you were going overseas.”  
“Yeah, but… That’s what happened, and we have to face it,” She tipped her head to the side to look at her, “Even if it’s not what we wanted. I don’t know that things would have worked long distance. I don’t know that I could have taken it anyway. I couldn’t stand being away from you for a weekend, let alone what could have been months at time.”    
“It’s funny. The City of Love would have torn us apart no matter what.”

Things fell into a slightly uncomfortable silence. Maybe it was just the nostalgia, and the way things had been resolved, but Kameron could but feel a heat lasting in her cheeks, and the racing in her heart. She maintained a moment of eye contact with the blonde before looking back up toward the night sky, sighing softly and tapping her nails on the washed out wood they lay on. After a moment, she felt the softness of a small hand on the back of hers, fingers brushing her knuckles before sliding down to lock between the digits. She closed a fist, squeezing Brianna’s fingertips against the top of her palm, before wiggling free to hold her hand properly.

“Did you find what you wanted in Paris?”   
“Other than the qualification? No. I didn’t like it there all that much, I missed home. It was lonely, and I didn’t feel connected to anyone. People say college is for experimenting, but… I didn’t have the motivation to go out most nights. I just wanted to come back here.”   
“You must’ve been happy to come home then.”  
“Kind of.”   
That wasn’t the answer she expected.  
“I felt empty when I came back. Of course, I’d been in touch with Monet, and for a long while, I was staying with her and Bob until I’d got a stable job and moved out, but I just felt vacant. Like something was missing.”

Nodding a little, Kameron gave her hand a light squeeze, aware that the topic was getting her a little emotional.   
“You ever find that puzzle piece?”   
She shrugged, “Not yet. I mean, I tried relationships, but any I got in just felt fake, and I didn’t want to try with any friends. It wouldn’t be worth the chaos if we split.”  
“That’s understandable.”  
“Are you seeing anyone?”  
Kameron shook her head, “No. I’ve not done much socialising outside of work though, and I wouldn’t touch most of those people if my life depended on it. They’re all nasty and sweaty from lifting heavy stuff off lorries all day.”   
“Like you?”  
“Yeah, like me.” Chuckling, she rolled her eyes, squeezing Brianna’s hand again.

Something in Brianna suddenly felt frightened, but this time not because of the redhead. Instead, she was hounded at by the fear that this might be the last chance for them to be like they were. It had been ten years, and no doubt the warmth in her chest came from sentimentality only. A part of her was longing to have what they had back, to feel the warmth of those arms cradling her, to feel the softness of her lips, to even hear the sound of her snoring through the night. All the things she’d missed all this time were flooding her brain, and she sat up, shaking her hand free. This had been a bad idea.

Kameron pushed up off the table, watching her with a tilted head and a reasonably confused expression. She thought things were going well; amends were made, after all. Brianna had encouraged her to sit, and been the one to hold her hand, so this sudden withdrawal was bewildering. For a moment, she considered if she’d done, or said, something wrong, but nothing sprung to mind. After she’d joked along with her, she’d just lay there quietly, not even looking at her. Brianna hopped down from the table, moving a few paces away, hesitating a little to look back.

Clumsily, Kameron moved back onto the asphalt, lingering by the table’s edge, still eyeing her with as much uncertainty as she did a moment ago.   
“Are you… going back inside?” Her voice crackled a little, and she bit down hard on her lip.  
“Yeah… I don’t think this was a good idea. I’m sorry.”  
“What wasn’t a good idea?”   
“Sorry, it’s stupid. I just… Staying out here with you, I mean. Not because of you, but I…” Brianna was cut off by a breath catching in her chest, tears starting to prick at her eyes.  
Kameron moved toward her, gently taking her wrists in her hands and rubbing her thumb slowly over her pulse. The blonde shuffled a little closer, leaning her head against her chest. Letting go, Kameron instead wrapped her arms around her middle, holding her close.

“It’s been so long, Kameron. I feel like an idiot.”  
“Don’t feel like an idiot, it’s okay,” One hand moved off of her back as she leaned away a little, enough to comfortably run a finger along the underside of Brianna’s jaw, tilting her head up, “It’s been less time than I’ve known you for, we’ve known each other for such a long time. Getting sentimental is okay. I missed you, and you meant a lot to me even before we were together. You were my closest friend. I don’t know that I was yours because I can’t speak for you, but you’re not an idiot for getting emotional.”   
“I just want things to be like they were. Before Paris. Before the fight. I wish I didn’t leave.”

There was a moment of hesitation, where the taller woman was clearly stopping herself from saying something that would make things worse. She agreed with Brianna; she’d been wishing the same thing for years. But that wasn’t the appropriate, or fair, response.  
“You had to leave, because if you didn’t, you wouldn’t have your degree. Or, you would have, but you would have been in much more debt. You did what was right for you, and I’m sorry I didn’t see it at the time. And, like you said earlier, we would have split anyway.”  
“Not if I’d stayed. I should’ve looked for another course.”  
“Don’t beat yourself up over it, it’s okay. It’s in the past.”

This encounter had made things click a little bit in Brianna’s head, and it was only making her feel worse. Every other woman she’d been with felt inadequate, even if in practicality they were flawless. It didn’t matter how conventionally perfect they were, they could hardly fill the Kameron shaped hole in her heart that had only grown bigger and bigger over the years. She’d made Kameron a monster in her head so she could try and get over her, and so she could assuage her guilt for leaving. She’d been aware of that, but never had to face it. It had been a decade, and she was still enamoured with this woman.

Kameron’s hand still lingered on her jaw, and she was looking down at her with a warmth in her eyes. Her fondness for Brianna, now that all the guilt was cast aside, was at the forefront of her mind. The woman, though she was tiny, was gargantuan in value - she always had been. She was like a precious gem; she was the prize jewel. It felt surreal be back in each other’s lives like this, and it felt almost like fate. Kameron was compelled to go against her instinct to stay home, and now, they had this moment together. Those teary doe-eyes were focused on her, and once again, Kameron felt compelled to do something.

She moved in to kiss her, and as she did, Brianna’s hands raised to hold onto her cheeks as she leaned up on her toes. Her fingers were freezing, but her lips were warm. The kiss only lingered a moment, the blonde a little wobbly. An arm around her waist kept her afloat, and before she pulled away, Kameron leaned herself down a little to accommodate Brianna’s tiny frame, and let her stand with her feet flat. After the disconnect, Brianna kept her hands on the woman’s flushed cheeks, as if letting go would sacrifice what they’d regained. Kameron’s hands were now resting on her hips, keeping her close as she nuzzled her nose into her hair.

“That was like a movie kiss,” Brianna teased, trying to joke through the immensity of her fluster.  
“I couldn’t not do it. I’d kick myself if I wasted the chance. I know its been ten years, and I know we’ve probably changed a lot in that time, but maybe, if anything, could we go for dinner some time?”   
Kameron’s work around made her laugh, the bashful, clumsy approach to the words coming off as sweet, “I would love that.”


End file.
